Friday, September 23, 2022
A post on my phobia:
You may/may not know that I have a phobia. Claustrophobia or a phobia of not being able to "get out" of any enclosed space. For instance, I have anxiety when I enter elevators, airplanes, tunnels that I have to crawl through, caves... you get it, right?
Those who went to China with me 30 years ago know that at the Terracotta Soldiers exhibit in Xian, we went down some stairs to the underground and at some point, I started to get a panic attack. Victor had gone done ahead of me and my fellow traveling friends had to get him to come up to where I was to "rescue me." Supporting me through these attacks means holding my hand, breathing in and out with me and/or talking me past this stressful moment.
Through the years, I've learned to manage this phobia/anxiety/stress. I've asked the doctor for a prescription for when I get on a flight, I take stairs instead of elevators when possible, I tell whomever I'm with ahead of time about my worries so that they are aware and can support me.
This morning, I had an episode. It wasn't imaginary or perceived. I was truly trapped in a space and unable to get out.
I went into the bathroom to take a shower. I locked the door, not sure why since it's just me and mom sharing the AirBnB. Maybe I was worried that she'd walk in...lol. When I was done with the shower, I unlocked the door, but it wouldn't open. I turned the lock this way and that and still it wouldn't open. The panic started to happen and I took some deep breaths and told myself that I WILL GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION.
I asked mom to come over and told her I couldn't open the door. She turned the know this way and that and we attempted this for a couple of minutes. I asked her to get the keys, money, and wear my fanny pack. I wanted her to have everything necessary in case she got locked out of the apartment. She was confused at my instructions and I explained that I wanted her to get help.
Mom: Why did you lock the door anyway?
Me: You're not helping mom.
Mom went downstairs looking for help. At the lobby, Mom found a resident, put her hands in prayer position, and explained that I was locked in the bathroom and asked if she could help. "Please." The lady said: I'm so sorry that I can't help because I have to go to work. A man came into the building and mom turned to him for help repeating herself again. He came upstairs and looked at the situation.
In the meantime, while mom went to get help, her phone was charging in the bathroom. I texted the family WeChat on mom's phone asking for help. Hoping someone could log into my AirBnB account because I couldn't from mom's phone. Kevin came to the rescue. Used my login name, asked for my password, asked for the code that was texted to my phone. My phone was out in the bedroom. Then Nathan and Corinne FaceTime me because they read the WeChat and know of my anxiety with enclosed spaces. They were telling me to breathe and talked to me about something...honestly, I couldn't concentrate. I appreciated their call and know what they were trying to do.
The man checked out the door and said: I'll go get some tools and come back. While he was gone, mom said: What's taking him so long? Me: Mom, be patient.
The man returned and started jiggling around with the handle. He asked me if there was a button on the inside handle. I said that there was no release button. I asked him his name. He responded with : Marty. How are you doing under these circumstances. Me: I've been better.
(PS...I'm really liking people named Marty!)
Marty jiggles the handle, I see the lock turn and I turn the doorknob and yay, the door is opened! I smile and look up at a tall man (6 feet?), mustache, beard, long hair but shaved on the sides, muscle T, and say: THANK YOU SO MUCH! You don't know how much this means to me because I'm claustrophobic and hate enclosed spaces. And this bathroom doesn't have a window. Can I pay you for helping me?
Marty: No need. Your smile is enough!
I texted the family WeChat letting them know of the good news. Hooray and happiness all around. Called Victor to tell him the story. FaceTimed dad later to retell the story.
Oh goodness. So happy to be let out and in only 20 minutes. Totally exciting start to the day. Hoping to never be in this situation again. Mom says I never need to lock the bathroom door. At home or anywhere. According to her, people will knock. Really?
Outside knob
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